A Few Snippets from my Gay Fiction Story (feedback)

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A Few Snippets from my Gay Fiction Story (feedback)

Postby frankjath » Thu Dec 01, 2016 4:04 pm

Hi guys so I was watching the trailer for the new Riverdale series on the CW and was inspired to model a character in terms of looks from the main character Archie.

Below are rough snippets and random parts of my story. I wanted to get a second set of eyes and see if any of it makes since early in the writing process. It's not in any order... most of what I wrote was random scenes I had while waking down the street or while sitting in a coffee shop. I would appreciate any feed back. I know it's not much.

This is what I picture my character Derrick to look like.


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Kyle's sensual gaze followed Derrick as he walked shirtless across the patchy browned out lawn, towards his old pick up truck parked in over grown weeds, wearing nothing but tight blue jeans, and holding his white-tee chalked with grease stains. Kyle sat there and thought's began to roll around in his head, "Derrick promised me he'd fix that fucking truck before summer started, we'd be on the road down to the pacific by now..., just him and me a boys trip... I'd give anything to be close to him..." Kyle mumbled to himself, as he watched Derrick bend over to grab a wrench out of his tool box, "Gosh, could those jeans get any tighter?" Kyle bit his lip, was it the heat getting to him or Derrick's toned athletic body, on display, he couldn't tell, but deep down he new the truth. Not sitting still for long, he became impatient and pushed the button to turn the ac on in his car trying to get the broken vent to face his flushed out face, sweat spots began forming on his forehead, his cheeks rushed with that color of rose water, as if his little sister gave him a make over with mom's makeup brushes.

Sometimes that would happen, he'd wake up and find blush on each cheek, but Kyle didn't mind, in the morning he'd look in the mirror and tell himself, "A little blush never hurt no one.


Derrick was standing outside Kyle's house panting from exhaustion, bending over resting his hands on his knees, once he came to, Derrick stood up right reveling his flat stomach muscles one right after the other, his abs contracting then relaxing after every puff of air. It was almost pitch black except for the light of the moon over head. Kyle watched Derrick's anatomy move around and shift in his joggers, he was clearly commando, not that Kyle was complaining.


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